i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize