youre lurking in front of me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
