Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
