You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
