if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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