Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
