There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
