I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
