hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
