So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
