Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
