fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize