He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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