Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
