I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
