The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
me + whiskey = a bad person
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
