Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
