so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
