ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
