Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
