I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
