do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i already hear my dad disowning me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
