You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize