Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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