i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I deserve to be covered in dicks
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
