I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
