I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
