my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
