just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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