I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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