If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
