Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
