Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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