I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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