I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
