i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
