I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
