yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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