the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
