My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
