why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
