I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
