I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this beer tastes like vomit already
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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