Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
