yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
