This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My ass is underappreciated
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
