Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
