just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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