We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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