apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
