My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
