Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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