white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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