It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
