I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
