Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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