i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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