I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
