Porn is love you can see.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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