I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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