That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
