bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
