u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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