If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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