those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
