They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
