it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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