gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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