What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
