Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
