I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
