Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Four minutes until I can fart!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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