O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize