Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
