i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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