he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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