How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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