You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
